Kaientai log:
Meeting at Planet Nanking.
First Lassun Gorilla, then Mossan.
What do you think will be the next big trend, Sakamoto-san?
We traders don't wait for trends. We create them.
We have to be trailblazers that guide the populace.
Oh? Then what would you say people's hearts seek right now?
Bags with room for 50 million!
Quit dawdlin' and load 'em on the ship already!
Governor... I mean, Captain. It won't fit!
It will!
No, these bags clearly don't have room for 50 million!
I'm tellin' you, it'll fit.
In reality, 50 million is just a bunch of paper, so if you stuff it in—
It won't fit! The zipper won't close!
Hey, Sakamoto.
Worry not.
In the near future,
an era is sure to come where someone could lend you 50 million at any time.
These will be all the rage then.
They're nothing but bags, though.
All products mean nothin' 'til they make it to store shelves.
They're no different from this pebble.
Traders are alchemists who derive value from nothin' to turn a profit.
This pebble, too, shines in a way that jewels cannot imitate.
And discoverin' that is our job.
With those words, the man cackled in the same way he did back then,
filled his pockets with pebbles,
and set sail across the sea of stars.
Always Leave Enough Room for Fifty Million in Your Bag
Snack Bar Smile
Mutsu's Request: Watch this program in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV.
What?
Can we really have these, Sakamoto-san?
Take it and go, you thieves!
They're leftovers, anyway!
Um...
Are you sure about this?
Absolutely. Don't worry 'bout it.
One of my business ventures didn't pan out, you see.
Bags were never meant to store 50 million,
but rather the ulterior motives of men.
On that note, Oryo-chan,
I'd like 50 million yen's worth of ser—
I see now.
Looks like we've found a use for pebbles,
both you and me.
Wait, Mutsu! I can expl—
If you're goin' to use this for your ulterior motives,
then I'll use it to recoup our losses.
Dump him in the ocean.
I've completed all the life insurance paperwork.
Right away.
M-Mutsu?!
I'll take 20% of that as commission, then.
K-Kintoki!
Were you the one who ratted me out?
You'd best remember this, Kintoki!
How about you remember my name first?
Pebbles, eh?
With crap like that in his pockets,
no wonder the company's sinking.
The captain himself is the biggest dead weight,
so you must have it rough, Vice Captain.
Has he always been like that?
Beats me.
But he was already a moron by the time I first met him.
Born in Tosa
to a merchant family that was well-known in those parts,
he was mistaken to be a leader of men
and joined the war.
So that's the Lord of the Southern Sea,
the Dragon of Katsurahama,
Sakamoto Tatsuma.
I'm not Katsurahama. I'm Katsura.
I wasn't talking about you.
He has quite the air of certainty to him.
I'm not Certain. I'm Katsura.
I wasn't talking about you.
This sucks.
Little rich boys and I don't get along.
Damn self-righteous spoiled brats don't know shit about hard work.
We've already got one, the firstborn of a certain samurai family.
Though I guess he's more stillborn than firstborn.
I bet that ship's a toy his daddy bought for him, too.
Reminds me of a certain runt who got his daddy to buy him a Lego regiment
so he could pretend to be commander.
Never built a track for Mini-4WDs with cardboard boxes, right?
Just so you know,
the only reason your lives are on the right track is because
your daddies bought you the whole damn track.
All it means is that your daddies are hotshots.
Whose troops are you calling Lego blocks?
Besides, I was disowned a long time ago.
What? I never said I was talking about you.
Takasagi-kun, you actually thought your family was rich?
You actually call yourself Richie Rich?
Would you two cut that out?
I'm not into Richie Rich. I like Archie Comics better!
Look, you just keep your mouth shut.
Hey, look at him.
What's he laughing for?
Don't look down on Takasugi-kun, you bastard!
Takasugi-kun, my foot.
He's looking down on us because of you.
Hey, whatcha gigglin' at?
What's so funny about Takasugi-kun?
'Cause "Taka" means "high," but he's so low?
You're the one looking down on me.
You might not believe it, but Takasugi-kun's friend count
is three times lower than Tamo-san's!
You weren't talking about my height?
Hey, whatcha ignoring us for?
Keep looking down on us, and we'll take you out!
We'll kick the rebel right out of you!
I'm telling you to quit laughing!
Takasugi-kun, wanna kick his ass? Give him some divine punishment?
What's with this guy?
He's not intimidated at all.
Not only that, he's ignoring us
and staring at the battlefield with a smile on his face.
He might just be a man among men.
We might just have found ourselves a great leader.
Oh, sorry 'bout that.
I got seasick,
so I was staring at the horizon.
I didn't notice you there.
Wait, who are you guys?
Divine punishment!
From the moment I met him, Sakamoto Tatsuma was Sakamoto Tatsuma.
With the people skills to con his way into anyone's purse,
he secured financial backing,
raised funds,
and procured weapons...
He got us a ton of money, almost as if he were a con man.
Even on the battlefield, he fought not with a sword,
but with the weapon called trade.
You can't wage war without troops,
but those troops can't fight without money.
That con man was the one supporting our war.
So basically, he polished the troops, his products,
until they could be displayed on the shelves of war?
You guys are pebbles he picked up, too, huh?
Maybe so.
And it's thanks to you that
he has this bad habit of puttin' unprofitable products on store shelves.
Talk about a pain in the ass.
No wonder they call you the Razor XO.
Your tongue's so sharp, it could shave the beard right off one's chin.
But hey, Miss Vice Captain,
aren't you a pebble that moron picked up, too?
I can't believe they actually dumped me.
How they've grown, to be able to treat their captain like this.
They've taken their first step to independence.
I get it.
I get it already, so could you rescue me now?
Hey, I know one of you is standin' by somewhere!
I've realized the error of my ways. That's enough, right?
Somebody help me, please!
Anybody!
That man...
SOS!
I'm not a suspicious man!
He was tied up and floatin' in the middle of an ocean so dark,
you couldn't tell where it ended and the sky began.
He hasn't made any progress at all, huh?
It was back when he'd just left the Joi War
and was startin' to dabble in space trade.
Apparently he'd fallen prey to some shady business.
And he just happened to be rescued by the ship I was on,
a slave ship of the Chidori Space Pirates.
Slave ship?
At the time, they were considered the most powerful crime syndicate
after the Harusame.
Their profits came primarily from human trafficking.
On the ship were people who were kidnapped,
sold into slavery, or abandoned.
And I was there with 'em.
You...
There's a weird guy in the water.
He seems to be crying for help.
What do we do,
Mutsu-sama?
Pick him up and throw him in the slave cages.
You were on that side?!
You were the seller, not the sellee?!
You were a space pirate?!
Chill out. It was just a part-time job.
A part-time kidnapper is even scarier!
Vice Commander of the Chidori Space Pirates' Second Division,
Diamond Princess Mutsu.
My shift was Tuesday through Friday.
Part-time, my ass! You were clearly the chief!
What else could I do?
My dad was the CEO.
What do you mean, your dad was the CEO?!
Are you the Pirate King's daughter?
Do you know where One Piece is?!
In truth, even I wanted to do girly things
like goin' to fancy cafés to extort protection money,
or cute little cake shops to get rid of traitors who were sellin' cakes
with a different kinda powder mixed in.
But my dad forced me—
What part of that is girly?! It's not all that different from human trafficking!
So, what? You're not an Earthling?
What's with the Tosa dialect, then?
I caught it from Sakamoto.
How did a pirate like you
end up doing business with a slave you picked up?
That's simple.
He,
Sakamoto Tatsuma,
bought me along with the slave ship.
Rather, he bought the entire Kaientai from the pirates.
Man, now that's what you call a near-death experience.
You're lifesavers. I don't know how to thank you.
Huh? I get the feeling this has happened before.
What a coincidence.
We have a feeling this has happened before, too.
This reminds us of the time we picked up a con man drifting in the ocean,
who then stole our ship, our leader,
and everything from us.
Long time no see, Con—
Oh, sorry about that. I got cranesick.
Could I get some medicine for that?
I don't know why you were drifting in the middle of the ocean,
but it's hard to say whether you're lucky or unlucky, bein' picked up by a slave ship.
Are you the cap'n of this ship?
It's a nice ship.
What do you think you're doing?
It's well-maintained, and its crew's well-trained.
Proves that it has a stellar cap'n.
I've made up my mind.
This ship now belongs to Sakamoto Tatsuma!
Say what? Do you realize the situation you're in?
You're a slave now!
You're not here to shop, but to be shopped for!
With this ship, I could run a fine business in space.
It's used, so you'll give me a good price, right?
Listen to me, damn it!
Quiet, you.
I'm talkin' to the cap'n here.
What an amusing man.
It'd be a shame to make him a slave.
But she's not the captain.
C-Commander!
If you have something to say, I'll hear—
What have you done to the commander?!
Sorry about that.
I love ships, but I get seasick easily.
Oh, thanks for the sick sack.
That's not a sick sack!
It's the commander's ball sack!
Take him to the cages already.
I'm not about to do business with a slave.
We pirates do business using slaves.
I know, I know.
I'm makin' this offer fully aware of what you're sellin'.
I'll buy this ship, slaves and all.
Slaves and all?
What's that supposed to mean?
Exactly what it sounds like.
That man's a far sleazier con man than mere pirates.
Vice Captain!
Th-This is bad!
The captain... Sakamoto-san...
Do you hear me, members of Kaientai?
Quickly abandon your ships and return them to us!
If you resist, your captain can kiss his life goodbye!
You will return everything you stole from us!
With interest, of course!
Commander, they're not responding.
Commander!
I hear you!
Curse him. Not once, but twice...
He didn't just make me lose face, he puked on it,
and ruined my all-important intro scene!
I'm at the end of my patience!
Cannons at the ready!
Show them how serious we are,
and how terrifying space pirates can be!
Fire!
Commander!
Those guys fired at us!
Don't they care what happens to their captain?
It matters not.
This is a chance to get rid of that good-for-nothing!
Fire!
Mutsu?!
Listen up.
Keep them distracted until I sneak aboard their ship.
Yes, ma'am! Good luck!
Let's go, Shaggy White.
Why me too?!
Hang on a sec!
I can't swim!
You're the ones who created Shaggy Black over there.
Clean up your mess.
But I never knew those stragglers were waiting to take their revenge.
Hurry, or we'll be too late.
What the hell do you want to do?
Save him, or not?!
Give me a bigger discount!
Come on, now.
Are you trying to make me go bankrupt?
Oh, all right.
Let's call it a deal with your pickled radishes from dinner.
Sakamoto-san gave in to the old lady's bargaining!
Old ladies really are shrewd shoppers.
I went through hell to hide this bottle of alcohol,
and now I'm giving it away for pickled radishes.
What do you think you're doing?
Oh, hey, Cap'n.
I'm trading, as you can see.
Anyway, how about it? Have you made up your mind to sell the ship yet?
Dream on.
You're a slave.
I thought I told you to learn your place.
And I thought I told you I was a trader, not a slave.
Even though you have no money?
I'll just pay in installments.
I'm sure to become a trader known across the universe.
Just look at my customers.
Being able to put smiles on people's faces with a cheap bottle of alcohol
is what makes trading so much fun.
You can sell people all you want,
but if that doesn't make anybody smile,
then that trade is boring, no matter how much money it makes.
It's written all over your face.
I don't seek pleasure from work.
I just do my job, is all.
Precisely.
Mutsu-sama, you'll eventually succeed the Fleet Admiral,
so you carry a huge responsibility.
Please refrain from behavior that would disappoint your father.
Like, for example,
taking interest in some slave—
You've had too much to drink, Gran.
Sorry about that, Commander.
Would you guys knock it off?!
Just when am I going to get to show my face?!
Who the hell brought alcohol in here?!
Come, Mutsu-sama.
We must leave this filthy place at once.
You're the filthy one. Get away from me.
Mutsu-sama!
Please stop acting like a spoiled child.
Surely you understand why your father left you in my care.
He also told me
that you and I would run Chidori someday,
and asked me to stay by your side and support you, both at work and in private.
Are you saying that's part of my duties as a pirate's daughter, too?
No, Mutsu-sama.
For a long time, I've lov—
Sorry...
He was right on the money.
It was a most boring family business,
and a most boring life.
Born as a pirate's daughter, and raised as a pirate,
I just did my job as told.
My actions never put a smile on anyone's face.
I always thought business was about exploiting people.
That was the first time I'd ever seen a trader who actually gave people something.
Hey, Cap'n.
What, are you peeking at us again? Why don't you just join us?
I-I wasn't peeking!
I was simply observing you to make sure you didn't bring anything
weird in here again.
You don't have to worry. I have nothin' left to sell.
I was just puttin' these pebbles up for auction 'cause I was bored.
Pebbles?
Confined spaces make your body grow stiff.
And these provide the perfect massage.
Right, Gran?
I'm telling you,
I ain't gonna give you a single pickle for these blunt stones.
Come back when you've got something sharper.
Don't underestimate how stiff a granny's body can get.
What was that, you old crone?!
If you want a pointy, stiff one so bad,
I can skewer you with my little rocky right here.
Just you watch, Gran!
How's that? Was it a perfect massage for your stupidity?
Oh, Captain!
That's it! That rock!
Sell it to me!
Uh, this is just a broken piece of flooring.
I beg of you!
This is bliss! I'm in heaven!
I gotta hand it to the Diamond Princess's choice.
This feels like a diamond.
Hey, Gran!
Let me use it, too!
Me too!
Me three!
Thank you so very much, Captain.
You're truly kind.
This isn't much, but please take it.
N-No need. You get barely any food as it is.
You should accept that. It's basic trader etiquette.
Give and take.
That's what business is all about.
What? The Fleet Admiral?
I knew he was ill, but I didn't expect it to happen so soon.
What are we supposed to tell Mutsu-sama?
Nah. No need for any consideration.
But, as mature as she seems, she's still only fourteen.
That's not what I meant.
I'm saying we don't have to tell her.
While the Fleet Admiral was still alive,
I thought my only way to gain power was to use his daughter.
But now, I can ignore that girl
and become Fleet Admiral myself!
C-Commander!
Alter our course.
This is no time to indulge in petty business.
Tomorrow, at Planet Ken'o, we shall execute all the slaves,
along with that girl.
I wasn't really shocked.
It was a scene I'd seen played out over and over in that world.
I'll leave the emergency escape pod unlocked.
Use it before this ship reaches Planet Ken'o tomorrow.
I don't know how many it can hold,
but I'm sure it's better than all of you dying.
What're you playin' at?
Apparently you're no longer slaves.
Nobody wants to transport unprofitable cargo.
Besides, you said it yourself.
That business is all about give and take.
Tell her it was delicious.
To Be Continued
Preview
That shaggy moron
seems to be under the impression that he's the main character in this tale,
but it's actually me.
Always Leave Enough Room for Pebbles in Your Bag
Next Episode: "Always Leave Enough Room for Pebbles in Your Bag."
I get more screen time in the openin', too.
Preview
Shocking truth comes to light! Mutsu is the daughter of a pirate!
Through trade, she finally interacts with people and has a change of heart...?
Meanwhile, the puker on board, Sakamoto, prepares for a blockbuster trade.
Right now, it even comes with pickles if you watch the broadcast next week!!